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HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
OUT OF LIFE!

DIANNE RUTH, PhD

August 1, 2002
KLZ 560 AM Radio Denver
Peggy Spiro Talk Show
(Resource Notes)

What are some examples of things that people want?

	enough money to keep the bills paid and to be financially comfortable
	a soul mate
	a better job
	a good friend; someone to talk to and hang out with
	a successful business
	more leisure time for hobbies
	to write a book
	more quality time with family
	to find meaning and purpose in life

If you don’t know what you want, how can you find out what it is?

Ask yourself, if you didn’t have to worry about working for a living for the next several years, how would you spend your time? Let your answer offer some clues.

perhaps you would like to:

	travel
	write a book
	work with animals
	go back to school

What else can you ask yourself to get more clues?

Ask yourself the following questions:

As a child, what did you want to be
when you grew up? e.g., a doctor;
a teacher; a therapist

	with each occupation named, decide what they all have in common, e.g., they are all service oriented
	identify the satisfaction that you would have achieved from each occupation, e.g., I like helping people

What if it isn’t practical to change careers or to go back to school, and you still feel unfilled?

Ask yourself what kind of activities you enjoy doing?

	Consider doing some volunteer work in an area that you feel passionate about, even if it’s only a couple of hours a month.
	www.volunteermatch.org/ is a great resource for all kinds of opportunities all over the country, both with groups, on your own, as well as some online options.

How do you know when you’ve found your life purpose?

If you are happy and contented with your daily activities, you find deep fulfillment and satisfaction, challenge and stimulation, and most things seem to fall into place most of the time, then you are likely already on your true path.

Let’s say you’ve done your homework and you know what it is you want in your life–now, how can you get it?

Begin by visualizing, imaging or imagining your outcome.

In other words, make a picture in your mind that represents what it is you want to do.

Add details such as sounds.

Perhaps there is music in the background, or someone is telling you how gifted you are or what a great person you are.

Now take a moment to experience how good it feels to have all that.

	For example, let’s imagine that you want to have a successful edible flower gift basket business.
	You might see yourself creating your masterpiece arrangements while smelling the sweet scents as you work, with the sweet taste of rose or apricot petals on your tongue. Customers are waiting in line to purchase your works of edible art, and you hear them talking to each other about how talented and creative you are.
	Next imagine your mental picture bigger than life size, maybe filling up a large cinema screen with bright and vivid colors. You may, of course, modify or vary your image in any way that suits you best.
	Now, while holding your image in your mind, state your affirmation out loud three times. For example, "I choose to transform my image of success into purposeful reality."

How do you create your own affirmations?

Begin by choosing statements of intention rather than contrary-to-fact declarations. In other words, notice the difference between the following statements:

	Say to yourself, "I am in control of how I spend my money."
	Now say, "I choose to be in control of how I spend my money."
	Now, say to yourself, "I am worthy and deserving of abundance."
	Then say, "I choose to be worthy and deserving of abundance."
	Now, say to yourself, "I feel calm and relaxed in the midst of turmoil."
	Then say, "I choose to feel calm and relaxed in the midst of turmoil."

Often, when we try to convince ourselves that we feel a certain way, and don’t, a deeper part of ourselves rejects the statement as not true. By making "choices," you can exercise your own will, decide, and commit upon a course of action.

A great website that I discovered that is full of affirmations for every day and every kind of situation is http://www.womanlinks.com/affirmations.shtml

What are the best kinds of goals to set?

Goals that follow the S.M.A.R.T. acronym are more tangible. That means that goals should be:

S simple and specific

M measurable and meaningful to you

A achievable

R realistic and responsible

T timed and toward what you want

For example, let’s say you would like to take a trip to Europe for your birthday in two years.

This goal is simple and specific–a trip to Europe; it is measurable–you’ll know when you’ve done it, and it is certainly meaningful to you.

Your income allows you to save up for it which makes it "achievable and realistic," and you’ve established a date for your trip to happen–in this case, your birthday.

Finally it is stated in the positive or "toward what you want."

What is the difference between goals and values?

	A goal is a desired result or outcome. It must be specific and identifiable.
	Values, on the other hand, are qualities that enrich your life.

The achievement of both goals and values must be dependent on your own efforts, and not solely dependent on another person.

For example, you want to meet someone that you can have a meaningful relationship with. The goal would be the encounter.

The meaningful aspect would be made up of the desired values.

For some people, intimacy and warmth are cherished. Others place value on humor and intelligence. Loyalty, sharing, and a comfortable companionship are of major importance to many. Different people value different qualities in a relationship.

How important is it to clearly define your goals?

Very important!

For instance, just wanting more money is not good enough. Exactly how much more do you want, by when, or spread out over what period of time, etc.?

Other goals might be:

	buying a home
	starting a business
	taking a trip
	finishing a project
	getting a new job
	starting and maintaining a new exercise program.

Should goals be made in more than one area of your life?

Absolutely!

For example, some areas that might be considered are:

	improving relationships with those around you
	mind development through various forms of study and travel
	spiritual pursuits such as religion, meditation, philosophical studies
	appropriate exercise for physical fitness, and nutrition

	volunteer work
	community activities
	creative projects
	teaching and sharing what you know with others
	work advancement through taking more responsibility

Are there any other rules for creating affirmations?

Definitely!

A positive suggestion using choices is more forceful, for example:

	"I'm not going to worry about rejection anymore," is negative;
	"I choose to FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF," is positive.
	The word try implies doubt/failure, for example:
	"I'll ‘try’ to stop being afraid," is negative;
	"I choose to BECOME MORE CONFIDENT," is positive.

The word LOSE is taken very literally by the sub- or unconscious mind. If something is "lost," the unconscious mind sets about "finding" it again (if possible). When someone "loses" weight, it is frequently "found" again! For example:

	"I have lost all desire to overeat," is negative;
	"I choose to be RELAXED AND FREE of all desire to overeat," is positive.

The word QUIT is another word often taken very literally by the unconscious mind. From a social standpoint, someone who "quits" is usually considered to be a "quitter," and that behavior is traditionally frowned upon. For example:

	"I am going to ‘quit’ smoking/drinking," is negative;
	"I choose to stop smoking/drinking," is positive.

If an affirmation does not work, consider the possibility of an emotional block or limiting belief that may be getting in the way. When all obstructions are cleared, success is then assured.

Affirmations, when constructed with care, are a powerful tool for creating change.

Traditional psychotherapy only has a 20 percent success rate. I have a 92 percent success rate, and over 33 years experience.

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